Unforgivable
by Delectable Sweetness
Summary: From day one there had always been that nagging feeling at her deep down, one that sometimes felt like it was twisting her insides up. She had tried to bury it and forget about it. It had been irrational, silly and judgemental. She had judged a book by cover before reading it and it had caused resentment.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or any of its characters. They belong to Dick Wolf. No copy infringement intended. However, I do own my own writing, my own characters and the plot to this story, Delectable Sweetness©.**

**Author's Note: So, just a little Elliot/Kathy one-shot or maybe two-shot. It depends on what you guys think of it. Anyway, I hope you like it. *_***

Unforgivable

From day one there had always been that nagging feeling at her deep down, one that sometimes felt like it was twisting her insides up. She had tried to bury it and forget about it. It had been irrational, silly and judgemental. She had judged a book by its cover before reading it and it had caused resentment.

Resentment against what? It was hard to say. It had been everything really. Every _little_ thing had caused resentment and jealousy to build up inside of her over the years, and it had begun to destroy they strong person that she had once been, that she had once known.

Now, all that was left inside of her was a dark pit full of anger and hatred. Sometimes she found it hard to keep it all bottled up. The lid was barely fastened, and she felt like it could explode at any moment, something that she prayed didn't happen in front of her children. They were her world and she would die before she let them see the bitter monster that she had become. Although, she was pretty sure that they had begun to pick up on a few things over the last couple of months.

She bit her lip.

Had she really become that bad? Was she a horrible mother for feeling angry the whole time?

She had a right to be angry, though! Betrayal was a horrible thing to feel, and to feel it from someone who you loved so dearly and so passionately, was heart-breaking and infuriating.

She felt like a fool, and because of that she was so angry at herself! She had known it was going to happen. Of course she had! How could it not have? So, why was she even surprised?

Because she had never thought that he would do it.

She had never thought that he would sink to a new low.

Choosing to stay with your partner late at the precinct over your own family was low, but sleeping with her was even lower.

The late nights and the absences at family gatherings had become worse over the last ten years, and she had tolerated that, but this… she never could!

Kathy came out of her thoughts as she stared at herself in the mirror. Her blue eyes were now red and swollen. Her nose and throat hurt like hell, and her cheeks were burning red. Her dirty, blonde hair had long ago fell out of its neat ponytail and all that was left of it now was loose bits, and knots. Honestly, she looked like crap! She felt like crap, too.

Sniffling, she turned on the cold water and cupped her hands under the clear liquid. She splashed some of it onto her face, trying to wash away her tears. She did it once more before turning the water off. Yanking the towel off of the small railing beside the sink, she began to gently dab her face dry, mindful of the soreness that now nested in her tender skin.

When she was somewhat happy, she slowly and neatly folded the towel and hung it over the railing. She didn't let go of the pink cloth, though. She began fiddling with it, trying to make it look as perfect as a towel could on a railing. She rolled her sore eyes at herself. She knew she must seem ridiculous, but she was trying to bide her time before she had to go out and face _him_.

After messing with the towel for a few more minutes, she sighed, deciding to finally leave her safe haven. It sounded silly that the bathroom was her safe haven, but it was small, cosy and more importantly… it was away from _him._

She ran her hands over the top of her head as she turned to face the wooden door. Moving the few steps that it took to reach the door, she reached out a shaky hand and grasped the handle. Slowly, she pulled it down and then hesitantly pulled open the door.

She gritted her teeth when she seen Elliot standing out in the hall. He looked at her, his blue eyes boring into hers. She could tell he had been crying, but she couldn't find it in her to care.

Walking out of the bathroom, she walked past her husband – that word made her heart constrict – and down the hall towards their bedroom, her feet making light pitter-patter noises as she made her way across the soft carpet.

"Kathy… please?" He called from behind her.

She stopped in her tracks, all her anger bubbling to the surface once again. Slowly, she turned and looked at him, her teary orbs shooting daggers his way. "What Elliot?" She growled.

"Can't we just talk…?" He pleaded.

"I have nothing to say to you!" She exclaimed, her voice beginning to rise once again.

"Kathy," he gulped slightly, "please… I love you," he tried once again.

Kathy felt more tears come to her eyes. She hated him so much, yet she still loved the lying son-of-a-bitch! With all her heart in fact! Why did she have to love him so much? "You're lying," she spat. How could he love her?

He sighed, running his hands over his face. "Kathy, I'm telling you… that I love you! Olivia… she means nothing to… me! I love her like a sister… nothing more!" He exclaimed.

Stifling a sob, she almost gave into his pleas, just wanting to be wrapped up in the arms of the man she used to know. She regained her composure, though. "How can you love her like a sister… if you slept with her?" She questioned loudly. He just looked at her, his mouth slightly agape. Her hands balled into fists, her knuckles beginning to turn a ghostly white.

"It was an accident! I was drunk!" He yelled back, walking closer to her. "God, it didn't mean anything!"

"You say that like I shouldn't care that you cheated on me with your whore of a partner!" She said her voice filled with nothing but disgust.

"Kathy, sweetheart… I know you're angry…" he trailed off, placing his hands against her arms.

"I'm not angry… I'm furious. Now let go of me," she yelled as she shoved him away from her.

"Don't," he growled slightly.

"What, you gonna hit me?" She stared at him pointedly. Reaching out, she shoved him away from her again.

He gripped her wrists and looked at her. "You know I would never do that," he whispered, sounding slightly hurt. She scoffed. What right did he have to feel hurt?

She yanked her arms free of his hold. "You know what? You should be thankful that _our_ kids are over at my mother's tonight! How do you think they would feel if they knew that their father was a lying, cheating bastard?" She screamed. Reaching out, she slapped him across the face, feeling the sting shoot through her hand as it connected with his cheek. "Fuck you!"

"O-okay… I deserved that," he frowned slightly.

"Oh no, Elliot… you deserve a whole lot worse!" She growled as she turned away from him and stormed into their bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Sobbing, she threw herself onto their bed and began crying into her pillow. She gripped the feathered item in both hands and screamed out. It muffled her cries some, but she wanted him to know just how much he had hurt her. She rolled onto her back and hugged her pillow to her chest, the tears still constantly streaming down the sides of her face.

As she lay there, just staring up at the ceiling, she found herself wondering what had made him actually do it. Did he not love her anymore? Did he not want to be a family anymore? Did Olivia now hold that special place in his heart, the place that he had promised no one else could fill only her?

He had told her it was because he had gotten too drunk. So drunk in fact, he could barely stand. But if he was so drunk, then how did he perform in bed? She rolled her eyes. It was probably another lie. Maybe he hadn't been drunk. He was probably just using it as an excuse, hoping she would believe it. However, she wasn't going to fall for it.

Kathy came out of her thoughts when she heard the bedroom door open and familiar footsteps scuffling across the carpet. She didn't look towards him. She didn't say anything. She just lay there… silent.

She bit her lip when she felt the bed dip slightly. She still didn't look at him, even when she felt his warm breath against the side of her face. Sniffling, she turned her head away from him, looking out the window into the night. It was such a beautiful night outside, yet it was horrible inside. Everything was now horrible inside.

She tensed when she felt him slip his hand under the pillow that she was hugging and place his arm across her abdomen. She didn't know what to do. She felt like shoving him away from her, but at the same time she wanted him close to her. It was a messed up and confusing situation.

In the end, she just left his arm there. She didn't want to fight anymore. She was too tired.

"Can you ever forgive me?" He whispered.

She closed her eyes. Could she? Right now, she didn't think she could, but maybe sometime down the line she could find it in her to forgive him.

Bringing her hand up, she wiped her eyes. All she did know, though, was that this wasn't over yet.

"I don't know."

**Author's Note: So what did you think? Was it any good? **

**Review please. *_* xxx**


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